happy disability pride month!

Wait, I'm back to this website again? Unbelievable.

I had some thoughts about leaving my Leaflet blog behind due to a not-so-surprising discovery of them resorting to artificial intelligence use in their code0 — but...honestly, other platforms I checked out didn't exactly fit all my standards.

And other options...well, they weren't so easy for me to implement due to many reasons, the main being my physical condition and some technical difficulties. Especially my laptop suddenly struggling to access almost every site I used on a daily basis.

So, what am I left with?

You got it right.

I'm starting (and now ending) Disability Pride Month with this post — some sort of a comeback, maybe a little bit of doubt about my decision. I feel like I'm betraying myself and everyone around me, and it's probably my RSD0 speaking, but these are my true feelings at the moment, no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise.

I have a lot to say.

Mostly about how living in survival mode during the second uni semester affected me and my body.

And yes, most of it is bad. I don't really have the energy to do anything else except for basic human stuff, scrolling through social media posts and, of course, my favorite — nerding out on Genius and MusicBrainz.

I have been inseparable with my neck pillow since my third uni year ended — otherwise my head acts like a very annoying system bug trying to drag the rest of my body towards the floor and then pass out.

No, seriously. It has been bad. First days...all 10 on the scale of 1 to 10, the rest...I have been recovering. It's getting better, I assure you.

It does get better. In some way.

By the time I'm finishing this post, I have fixed almost all of the problems I was dealing with — the internet is working, but building my site requires a lot of energy...which I don't really feel that I have.

Plus, I felt like it would be better to give myself grace. A little bit of it is never too much.

Especially if you're disabled.

By the end of this month...I really started to feel better than I initially felt. Truly.

And maybe...I can do this? Graduate and finally free myself from that huge black hole of criticism from my groupmates.

I can do this.