After yesterday's chat with my friend (shoutout to for keeping me sane and as far as possible from completely crashing out) I came to a very freeing realization that the person who wronged me by being massively irresponsible is actually a very miserable clown.

Why?

Because throwing excuses at me every single time I get close to calling them out on their shit is miserable behavior. Yes, life is hard, but it doesn't mean you get to use it as a way to dodge responsibility and avoid doing what you said you'd do.

Using the lack of obligations to respond immediately as an excuse to never respond to even stuff related to whatever you were supposed to do? Also fucking miserable shit.

Disappointing, indeed. Laughable, yes.

Am I still mad? Also yes.

But now it's something different. It feels...cathartic? Freeing?

I mean, now it's flipped upside down. I know that the one who's miserable here isn't me. And I can't afford to spiral — not now, not ever. It costs me my softness, which I don't want to lose after gaining it back not long ago.

Plus, he's literally just a guy. :)1

Him being super nice to me initially doesn't mean he gets a pass to throw me around.

bunny laying in the grass in the middle of a flower circle. the caption above, on a plain white field, says "unbothered. happy, in my lane, focused. flourishing."

I honestly don't see him as anything other than an opportunist who saw a kind and enthusiastic person that came to him with good intentions, and used this against me.

Sure, at first it was okay, and it really looked like I was helping someone, but then? Whoops.

Shit fell apart, I got something that looked like a genuine apology for letting me down, my efforts acknowledged, but, apparently, not understood.

Now that I'm finally out of this cycle and negative thought spirals, I'm gonna have to unlearn a lot of things.

Let's see how it goes. We have a lot of healing to do. 🩷